I have this thing. It’s like a terrible compulsion and I have no idea when it will strike. I’ll find a thing, tangible or otherwise, and I’ll just fucking need to have it, to learn it, to know all about it. I have to consume it (whatever ‘it’ is) in its entirety. My wife’s the same way, only she’s much better at it for the simple fact that she does it so much more often than I do. In fact, I’d be hard pressed to find something she wanted to learn that she hasn’t become incredibly good at. But I digress.

I started with video games, but I’ve essentially reached the end of that. I own both an Xbox 360 and a PS3, as well as all the games I care to have for both consoles. I also recently bought a very powerful gaming PC. Both the PS3 and the PC are hooked up to my 1080p 40” Sony TV, and they’re running through my Sony 5.1 system, which is fucking thunderous. So I’ve got basically every game I want right now, and I’ve beaten all the ones I really like.

I moved onto weight lifting about half a year ago. I did all my research, found the right workout routine, learned all about proper dieting, how to gain weight, how to do the lifts with proper form. Then I got the weight set, which includes a squat rack, a bench, olympic barbell, and about 300 pounds of barbell weights. I’ve got a chin-up bar and 200 pounds of dumbbell weights, also. So I’ve got all the weight equipment I’ll need for the forseeable future.

Finally, last week, I wanted to learn about motherfucking snakes. I read and I read and I read. I learned all about ball pythons (Python regius), including proper housing, feeding techniques, learning the different morphs, temperature control, humidity control, and all the miscellaneous dos and don’ts. Yesterday I found an ad on Infomall. Ball python for sale, 2 years old, female. So I bought her. She’s the darling in the pictures. 

She’s quite big, able to wrap around my forearm all the way to my fingertips with plenty of length to spare. The lady who sold her to me said that she hadn’t eaten since her last shed, which was early February. This is normal for ball pythons. They will sometimes go up to two months without food, but rarely. She said Lucy would be hungry, so I thawed out a jumbo mouse (yes, I’ll be keeping dead mice in my freezer), ran the head under hot water for a little bit (really entices the python, smells kinda bad), and got the tongs out. I removed Lucy’s hide (the upside-down flower pot she hides under during the day), and dangled the mouse in front of her in the most enticing fashion I could manage.

I never knew how fast pythons were until then. She struck amazingly quickly and yanked the mouse out of the tongs. I quickly replaced the hide, the tank lid, and the heating lamp. I peeked in a few minutes later and got a little bit discouraged: she had the mouse in the hide but wasn’t eating it, just sort of looking around. A few minutes after that I checked in and found her poking around the mouse. As soon as she found the head she casually engulfed it with her jaws. 20 minutes later I came in and saw a very smug looking python and no mouse.

I’m really glad I was able to get her before the baby comes. It’s going to be the last big thing I get myself before it’s all diapers, car seats, and soiled clothes (don’t get me wrong, that’s gonna be awesome, I’m just sayin’). Maybe within the year I’ll be able to get another. I’m hoping for a male around the same age as Lucy by then so I’d be able to breed them. Who knows, I could turn this into a side business some day!